Rant of the Week

Toilet Web

When the computer revolution started about 30 years ago, some of us wondered, conscientiously, whether there would be enough jobs for people in the future.  The visionaries spoke of automated assembly lines, robotic miners, and intelligent vacuum cleaners.  In this utopia of mechanical bliss, what would everybody do for a living?

The answer is here.  We would invent, design, manufacture, and service talking toilets.

You may scoff.  Well, maybe you won’t.  Maybe you already have one of those toilets that sprays your butt with soap and warm water after you’ve relieved yourself, and plays soft music, and warms up the bathroom for you.  But if you don’t, let the excitement build. 

Japanese companies lead the way, as they did with transistor radios and VCRs.  Toto is one the leading manufacturers in Japan (60% of the domestic market) and brags about a toilet that is responsive to voice commands.  What exactly would you like to command your toilet to do?  Open the lid.  Spray hotter water and more soap.  Massage your butt.  You name it. 

Oh but wait.  Is that all you imagine a 21st century toilet can do?  You don’t think big enough!  The 21st century toilet samples your urine, your weight, and your blood pressure, and sends it’s findings off to your doctor via the Internet!  Yes, we finally have the ultimate browser, and it aint Internet Explorer, and that aint the ESPN website. 

So the next time you get depressed thinking about the limitations of human endeavor, and the failure of our culture to reach greater heights of enlightened reflection, consider the toilet browser and rejoice in the infinite potential of human aspirations.

 And don’t forget to wipe.

 

 

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 2002 All Rights Reserved